Life, man.

The wise don’t fight it.

My current thought is that in order to become wise, one must first settle.

Here is where I find myself.  After a thousand recent rounds, I accept that I’m more poet than pugilist. “I get it”, I confide in the moon.  “I surrender”, I whisper to the stars.

Never mind thoughts about “the wise”, I’m really just trying to spend as much of my existence as possible in the way of peace.  I hope this expression informs or touches you in some way.

settle down– to become quiet calm or orderly; moving away from that which drags me down and moving towards that which lifts me up.

This could be seen as step #1.  Settling down for me at this stage of my life is about coming to the practice of introspection, with fresh eyes even.  I bring focus and intention to the here and Now, and in so doing, I recognize the areas in life where action is out of alignment with intention.  The opportunity to stop and take a look around might seem benign, but is certainly useful despite being potentially humbling or even appalling.  Here, I offer myself compassion, forgiveness and love.

Settle in– to arrange myself so I feel more comfortable in a new place.

Settling in has 2 key components.  First, it has been a formal re-initiation of personal investment.  Self-care.  I return to practices rituals and routines that support How I Wanna Be, and look for other things to incorporate as well.  I connect the figurative dots of what life offers when I’m settled into my ways versus not-so-much. Instead of being harsh in my self-critique, I seek understanding.  Instead of judging myself negatively, I remind myself that I am human and I’m not only allowed to make mistakes, but I’m also expected to. This becomes opportunity for learning and growth.  I offer myself compassion, forgiveness and love.

Secondly, I believe settling in is about perspective.  In this perspective, being quiet and still, present and self-aware, forgiving and compassionate are at the top of the priority list.  This does not equate to ignoring my shadow or denying the existence of my inner dragon, but instead focuses on offering the same loving compassion, presence and acceptance of that dark side within me.  I am mindful of hurt I’ve endured and hurt I’ve caused, and instead of beating myself up or perpetuating story lines, I return to compassion, forgiveness and love, for myself and for those I’ve wronged.

settle up– to come to a center point where there’s nothing owed, nothing expected.

If this were a chapter in a book, it might be entitled: “Liberation”.   More than anything, this is a point of realization, and it feels profound.  It’s not lost on me that this realization is “mine, for me”.   Others can and will believe what they want about what is expected or what is owed to them.  I’m at a point where I don’t expect nor want from anyone, neither relatives nor frenemies.

I used to believe my life would be different/better if my mother had only done this… or if my ex had done that… I’m done making excuses.  I am quite familiar with trying to live up to others’ expectations and at the same time, trying to buck those very same expectations.  I’m done with that too.  I see where it has gotten me.  In my effort to simply settle, I affirm that nobody owes me a thing, not a cent, explanation, nor apology.  In my effort to exist as loving awareness, I assert that I don’t owe anyone anything.  In so doing, I naturally settle down.  I settle in(to) the flow of life, and exist open to seeing, accepting and loving myself more than I thought previously possible.