Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

I recently wrote a few words about ego.  I introduced you all mine, and suggested that developing a relationship with ego is completely worthwhile. 

Let's take it a step further.   

Very few of us get to the point of being absolutely free of the ego, and even for those that claim such a victory,  I'm not sure that it's anything more than just a willingness to see it clearly, put it in its place, and not allow it to affect subsequent thoughts or behaviors.  It is still there nonetheless.  So, the question isn't so much about: How do I get rid of my ego?  Instead, the more apt question may be: How do I establish a more functional relationship with ego?

Imagine that someone has just offended you.  In that very moment,  as you realize that your ego has been brought to the forefront, picture responding to the ringing of your doorbell.  You open the door and realize that it's your ego.  Here, you may feel that you have only two choices: buy whatever he's selling, or slam the door in his face.     

Let's assume it's a good day, and you recognize ego and want no part of it.  You slam the door and get back to your soaps and what not.  But, let's not kid ourselves.  It is important to realize that as you make an earnest attempt to get back to life, your ego is still on the front porch.

Not only is it still on the porch, it is peering in through windows; knocking on doors; playing with chimes; calling your name; doing anything it can for another chance at an opening.  Assuming all of that fails, you'd best believe he's there, chillin'.  He's sipping iced tea and listening to pop music, judging the neighbors, and waiting for an opening.   

Here's the dilemma:  at some point, you're going to have to leave the house. 

Even if you slip out the back, quietly hop into your car and drive off, chances are, you'll glance at the rear view mirror and notice that he's along for the ride, clinging on to the bike rack, or maybe even in the back seat, suggesting all that is wrong with weather, roads, and others around you.  

I'd like to suggest Plan B.  Rewind to the point of the doorbell ringing.

When you're ready, take a deep breath and make your way to the front door.  Open the door and invite ego in.  Let him in and offer up compassion along with your favorite chair.  Offer up friendliness and understanding along with a refill of iced tea.  Do this, with open-hearted acceptance of his presence.  Allow ego to tell the story, to sell what he is selling, while you remain hospitable, yet unaffected.  The unaffected part can be a bit tricky, but it is absolutely possible.  It involves a willingness to see truth beyond story, as well as, bringing full acceptance to that truth.   

Remember, ego only thrives when it is having an effect.  So, what is most likely to occur is that after a bit of venting, the ego will exhaust itself or get bored with the non-reactions.  Eventually, he'll want to retire to the guest room, maybe even- the attic.   This is where ego belongs,  as simply a guest in your home,  not a barrier to connecting with others or the outside world at large.   

Sound silly?  Maybe so, but feel it out and holla back.